"I am terribly sorry sir! I have no excuse for what happened. This is entirely my fault!" Ebisu stated as he bowed before the Third Hokage.

Sarutobi personally blamed himself. This was something he should have expected. Konohamaru had made it quite clear he wanted to go the play happening on the outskirts of town. Past experience should have clued him in to the fact that the boy would take matters into his own hands. Especially with Naruto nearby as well.

"It's not your-"

"Hokage-sama!" Saru spoke up suddenly. His son almost never spoke while on duty as one of his ANBU, and barley strained panic tightly wound in the words had Sarutobi stand to the ready. The quick movement made his joints complain before noting his son pointing behind him and out the window overlooking the village. "Look!"

Hiruzen turned and his heart tightened. There was a massive dome of whirling sand centered on the fair. Someone was making a move.

"Neko!" He called to another ANBU on guard, "Put out an alert for all ninja to ready themselves and stand ready. Buru! Make sure InoShikaCho is deployed out to the fair grounds immediately. Priority is to observe. No one attacks first, understood?"

The two came out of their hiding places and gave a brief bow before leaving.

"Ebisu, see to the civilians evacuating at the area closest to the fair. Spread the word on the way that other civilians should be ready to move as well." He ordered.

The man gave his own affirmation and disappeared.

Hiruzen looked out at the sand and deeply wished he could go there himself, but every ninja even remotly close would be there and standing at the ready. He needed to be here. To make sure that it wasn't a distraction for something else and they weren't going to attack the village. It was his first priority.

"Dad?" His son asked. His son had removed the ANBU mask and Hiruzen almost flinched; it seemed rare anymore to see his son's face. He kept his face clean shaven and had a nasty scar running from his jawline to just under his eye, and his face somehow still managed to look boyish. The request was clear on his face.

His son was in the storm and trouble. He wanted permission to leave his post and see to his son's safety first and foremost. Something the Hokage wasn't allowed to do.

"Go. Make sure he's okay." Hiruzen ordered.

His son left in an instant along side the sound of shattering glass; his son didn't have time to do things like open windows right now.

Good. He could focus on this crisis much better if he knew Konohamaru was looked after. His son was diligent and by the book. He saw to the smallest detail to the point that even Danzo sometimes complained that he was too thorough. He'd handle it.

Now, Hiruzen just had to make sure that today didn't mark the beginning of the next Shinobi War. Nor another monument to his student's mistakes.xxxxxxx

(Flashback)

Jiraiya wanted to be mad at Orochimaru; ordinarily it was something really easy. For a twelve year old, the bastard had a very punchable face but apparently his pale teammate had his parents die on him and the supposed genius wasn't taking it so great. He'd often go visit the graves for a few hours at a time. Not the worst thing in the world, since it gave Jiraiya a chance to catch up while he didn't keep up his training.

Maybe Sarutobi-sensi would actually teach him some useful shit if he kept it up?

Still, the prolonged moping at the grave was starting to cut in to mission time, so he was sent to fetch his girly-boy teammate from his spot.

So, he crested the hill, came to his see his teammate's pale form outlined starkly from the background. Just staring at the graves with cold and somber expression of corpse and his eyes with all the fire of a dead and broken brazier.

It brought Jiraiya pause. Maybe he should handle this more gently? Personally, if it had been Jiraiya's parents he'd have pushed them in the nearest gutter and maybe held a party; but Orochimaru wasn't him. He didn't respond the same way to things and Orochimaru's parents hadn't been as shitty as his own so...maybe this was big for him?

"I- uh-" Jiraiya started but failed to find words as he approached and stood behind him. What was he supposed to say anyways?

"Hey, sorry your parents got the Shinigami Express, but we got shit to do?" Didn't seem to be the right stance here.

Then again, maybe Orochimaru wasn't that broken up? He hadn't seen the boy cry about the situation at all. Didn't seem to have any emotion about it whatsoever.

Though, that might have been the training? Proper shinobi didn't show emotion after all.

Well, Jiraiya called bullshit. Jiraiya straightened his spine and he grew more sure of his next words.

"Hey, Orochimaru, your parents died and all. You know it's okay to cry? That's a big deal for-" He started.

"Cry!?" The boy hissed, whirling around like a spitting viper. "Like I'm just some toddler ripped from the teat of it's mother and can't cope with the absence?"

What the hell? He was trying to be nice!?

"Well yeah! Clearly it's bothering you and you're just standing up here staring in the distance like a creepy porcelain doll! Clearly it's bothering you! So, get it out of your system!"

"Doll? Get it out of my system!?" Genuine fury washed over his teammates face. The first emotion he'd seen on it for weeks. "Just because you cry at the slightest inconvenience and pain does not mean I am of the same level."

Oh, so making it out like he was the one with the emotional problems? Fuck this guy. "Fine! Stare off in the distance and obsess over this! See if I care! I'll tell Sensei that you're too busy being an asshole to show up for mission though." Jiraiya yelled before turning and marching away. Muttering curses under his breath and stomped back towards his team like a angry bull fighting it's way through muck all the way back to where his team was supposed to meet. His irritation lit up again as he saw Tsunade, Sensei, and-

"Ah, Jiraiya, that took a while. Orochimaru showed up while you were gone." Sarutobi-sensei stated simply while Orochimaru stood next to him with a bored look on his face.

Then the pale boy's lip twitched.

"You son of a bitch!" Jiraiya yelled as he leapt at his asshole of a teammate.

The situation wouldn't have been something Jiraiya would have even bothered to remember, he and Orochimaru fought often enough for them to blur together, but this particular moment resulted in a behavior change he noticed. Orochimaru wasn't ever late to team meeting again, and when Jiraiya went to go check the grave site again he found only dry shriveled and cracked flowers that had their vitality and life drained away by time and the heat of the unforgiving sun. The brittle plants had been there for weeks.

Orochimaru had stopped visiting his parent's grave. In fact, Jiraiya was certain that his snake of a teammate never visited the grave again, since the only flowers that were ever there were the ones that Jiraiya left when he visited and his teammate never once mentioned his parents again, even in passing.

So, Jiraiya took it upon himself to visit the graves. He wasn't sure why he did it. Most of the time he'd just show up and bitch about their son for a while, but he made sure to tell the tombs how their son was doing. He gave regular updates, until the last one.

"I'm sorry. I know you're dead, but I'm-" Jiraiya's voice cracked. "I tried to stop him. But your son..." He trailed off and ran a hand through his hair; hair he was tempted to pull at in frustration. "Your son is a traitor. He's done...awful things. I...this is going to be my last visit, but I thought you deserved to know. He's a traitor and I'm going to bring him back or-"

Should he say it to them? They were his parents? But, well, it's not like they could actually hear him. He didn't HAVE to say it. Still, something compelled him to continue. His fist's clenched and his gut felt like it was being pierced with a blade, but he said it.

"Or I'm going to kill him." He promised before placing the flowers on their graves; the last flowers he'd ever bring.

(End Flashback)

xxxxxx"Jiraya...what the fuck are you talking about?" I asked, flummoxed.

"Huh?" Jiraya responded eloquently.

"Don't give me a 'huh.' You're the one who said it!"

"No. No mind games." Jiraiya stated as he again crouched lower, readying himself to attack. As he did, every tree, every rock, and even the air itself seemed to lean in towards him. A sense of anticipation flooded our area of forest and every beast of the land and air stilled in place. Breathing with Jiraiya and waiting along with the weight and power of the bundle of nature chakra flooding into my former teammate.

Such was the power of a sage. This was power. Power that Jiraiya hardly ever pulled out except for the most extreme threats to his life. The kind of raw power that would allow Jiraiya to stand up to damn near any ninja alive. Something he prepared for me specifically apparently.

I had no idea why.

"Listen, I'm not playing-"

Jiraiya moved. There was a wrenching and cracking in the air as the branch Jiraiya stood on turned to splinters and suddenly I had a spiraling ball of chakra shoved towards my head. I bent my body back as I brought a knee up his elbow. His arm was knocked off course and missed me, but the spiraling ball of energy snagged a few stray hairs that I felt get violently yanked from my head.

I wasn't out of danger yet. Jiraiya was in Sage mode. Being this close I was in danger. That's not even taking into account the two toads on his shoulder. Toads that were, by themselves, at the strength of jounin. I couldn't stand close to them, but I also couldn't run. Sage mode came with an unprecedented ability to sense chakra in the surrounding area and anywhere I ran or hid, he could find me.

Though being this close meant he'd likely be able to kill me with a single punch. If I got too much distance, Jiraiya would probably just pull a joint ninjutsu with the two toads on his shoulders and spew flaming oil fanned by wind chakra all over my general area. In a forest.

Sage mode was so fucking broken. Thankfully, I did have a plan for getting out of here already in place. I just needed to survive long enough for it.

I hooked my body around and swiveled my foot to connect with Jiraiya's back. It wasn't a strong hit and had him barely stumble, but it allowed me to push away from him into a leap that carried me over to another tree. The maneuver almost cost me my ankle though, as Fukasaku took a swing at it.

"Come now Jiraiya. This is our first meeting in so long. I think I deserve to know what I did to deserve sage mode coming out to play." I stated as I dipped behind a tree just in time for needles of hair to launch themselves at my position.

"Oh don't give me that bullshit. You've been targeting me. This fair? That new form? It was made to distract me." Jiraiya stated as he leapt after me.

I blurred ahead as my hands flashed through symbols. The first ninjutsu I cast released a large burst of fire, but the fire gave off more light than heat, but boy that light was bright. It didn't conceal me, but it made Jiraiya flinch for just a moment. Long enough a burst of cutting wind to fly towards them. Just before the attack could hit, Shima released her own burst of wind chakra that smashed into my own and sent Jiraiya flying backwards, in response Fukasaku launched out his tongue and connected it to a tree. The three of them did a slingshot around the tree before knifing out towards me again, though I managed to gain some distance.

"Targeting you? What the hell are you on about!?" I yelled back behind me, without slowing. This was not a fight that favored me. Especially since I wasn't willing to kill Jiriaya.

A burst of fire screamed towards me and dozens of trees along it's path exploded as the sap in them superheated in an instant, leaving me to dodge both the fire and flaming splinters.

"Oh come on! The play? A new play in a unique setting never shown before? That used all the old tropes but in new and fresh ways? The message in the plays? The music? The booze sold there? Your new form? All of it things that would distract me specifically more than most." Jiraiya insisted as he launched himself high in the air and a rain of sharp spikes came down from his hair, punching deep into the wood in the surrounding area, minus a small bubble around me from a briefly conjured wind shield. "So I didn't fall for it! I skipped the grand finale. I figured that would be when you thought your distraction would be most distracting! I knew if you did something it would be then. So I didn't go. I waited for you to act and watched from outside the fair, and I was right!"

He waited outside the fair.

Wait a damn minute.

I stopped in my tracks and turned around to look at Jiraiya with a glare.

Jiraiya slowed, staying on a half burnt tree opposite me and waiting. Leery of a trap.

"You didn't watch Episode VI!?" I demanded.

"Yeah, I avoided your trap and-"

"Fuck!" I yelled cutting him off. "That was the best one! There was so much in that you would have liked! They team up and rescue Han together. Luke is now all badass and a master Jedi. Leia dresses in a golden slave bikini."

"She does what now?" Jiraiya asked.

I ignored him and continued. "Then there was this whole thing about Luke letting go of his hate and anger and forgiving Vader. I really thought that you'd like-"

I stopped. Jiraiya stopped.

I chose Star Wars for many reasons. One of them was that I thought Jiraiya would like it. When I set up the alcohol and food available for the fair, I did make sure to include ones that I knew Jiraiya would like. More than once I'd let out an evil chuckle when thinking about how Jiraiya was handling the thought of me now being flirty and busty. All these steps, all along the way, I had considered what Jiraiya would like.

Because, like Kabuto had brought up, I have been trying to avoid my teammates. I didn't want to meet him. I didn't want to fight him. I didn't want him to try and kill me, to see the look of anger. To be looked at like a wild animal in need of being put down.

I didn't want any of my former teammates to see me in a way that Orochimaru deserved. So while all this wasn't about him specifically, but thinking on it I realized it was more about him than I had admitted to myself.

"Holy shit, I did do this to distract you."

"Wait, really?" Shima asked.

"Hey! You didn't believe me?" Jiraiya whined like a child.

"Well, Jiraiya-boy, you haven't always been exactly rational about Orochimaru." Fukasaku tried to appease.

"You get a little crazy sometimes." Shima added.

"Oi!" Jiraiya objected.

I payed them no mind. I was having my own private reexamining of priorities.

If I didn't think Jiraiya would have been coming, would I have done everything the same? I was quickly realizing that, no, I wouldn't have. The fair would have been more just a circus if I wasn't thinking about him. Konohamru would have been tempted out eventually. The public perception would have been just as effected. It would have accomplished all my goals, but been way easier to put together. All because, despite everything Orochimaru did, Jiraiya and Tsunade were the closest thing I had to a friend right now. Thinking about them and the good old times was a balm to my heart at several points.

So I put on a show that I knew he'd like to make him happy and to make him not look for me so hard while he was trying to kill me.

"I am so fucking creepy." I stare down at my hands.

"You're just now figuring that out?" Jiraiya mocked as he brought his hands into a ninjutsu.

"I clearly haven't been doing enough introspection." I admit while gathering my own chakra to act.

"Better do your introspection quickly." Shima stated.

"Reinforcements are on their way." Jiraiya added on. "Surrender. You can't run from me, and we'll have you surrounded soon."

Of course they were on the way. We were right on the damn village's doorstep and making a lot of noise. It was a race against time and my exit was clearly taking his fucking time.

"I would surrender, but you'd just kill me as soon as I did. I'm too dangerous to kept alive after all."

"You always were the smart one." Jiraiya launched himself at her once more and he brought fire, oil, and blades with him.xxxxx

Sarutobi Tadaomi knew fear well; he was often afraid. He could imagine a thousand things going wrong over the course of a calm family breakfast. It didn't do a lot for his relationships, but it did make him very good at his job. He saw the angles and came up with as many ways to defend the Hokage as possible. He checked all the papers that came through the office, he trusted no one to be who they said they were, and he double checked any story someone gave. It's just who he was as a person.

Which is why he found Konohamaru maddening. The boy never seemed to give any thought to potential repercussions or how what he did could effect those around him. No matter how much he tried, his son never seemed to understand that things could go wrong. In part because Tadaomi had protected him, either as Dad, or as the ANBU Saru.

Now that was possibly going to get his son killed.

"Please. Be alive." He muttered as he ran through the gates of the village, not even bothering to speak to the people at the counter. An infraction he would ordinarily never dream of, but Konoha's rules of conduct gave permission for such behavior during times that lives were on the line. As per Article VI subsection a3.

The wind tugged at his clothes and the small particles of sand bit at his skin as he approached, but he paid it no mind. The sand wasn't moving strong enough to actually injure someone. It was a mere annoyance.

Though it could turn deadly at a moments notice. He would need to-

"Augh! It's in my mouth!" A voice yelled, followed by coughing and spitting.

"Then don't open your mouth, idiot." Came a muffled reply.

Four small forms emerged from the sandstorm. Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and between them-

"Konohamaru!" Tadaomi stated as he knelt down next to his son and gave him a brief look over. He seemed fine, but a deeper check should be done in a more secure location.

He glanced up at the kids. The three had tussled hair and were absolutely covered in sand.

He recognized the three easily. The sheer number of times Naruto came into his father's office alone was reason enough for the Hokage's personal guard to recognize the coughing and spitting blond. Though his other two teammates had apparently covered their nose and mouth with a handkerchief.

Good to see the intelligence dynamic among them had not changed.

He turned his attention back to his son whose eyes had grown wide and teary. "Dad! You actually showed up!"

Tadaomi gave a sharp intake of breath. His son, among all that happened, found the most pressing thing to mention was that he had shown up.

He was not the father he should be, but he could make sure his son at least stayed alive.

"I am here, but we must get you all somewhere safe." He said as he picked up Konohamaru. The three gennin looked ready to fight him though. Seemed they were not fond of the idea of running away. Admirable. He'd rephrase. "Follow me. There is a guard station at the gate. We'll get you all there and get you orders on how to best help the ninja still in the combat zone."

The three looked reluctant still.

"Your mission isn't complete yet. You must come with to make sure Konohamaru gets to safety." He stated a bit more forcefully.

That seemed to work as they followed after him.

"Dad! You should have seen it! It was so cool! They had laser swords and spaceships and moving stuff with mind powers and-" Konohamaru gushed as Tadaomi covertly poked and prodded at his son, feeling for any injuries or breaks his son might have had, as well as checking for the tiny details to make sure that this was, in fact, his son. Everything was up to expectations until he got to son's pocket.

It had a slip. The kind that ANBU tended to use to get messages to one another. What was his son doing with one?

"Then this music started playing and this pale babe in a-"

"Sarutobi-sama!" The gate guard called out.

The five of them approached swiftly and with just a moment to check their identities, they were all let in to a back room before the gennin were assigned to start evacuating civilians. Tadaomi and his son were left alone in short order. He opened the piece of paper and began to try and decode it. The writing seemed vaguely familiar to him, but he couldn't place it. He ran through a few of the ciphers he could think of, trying to decode the message.

"If there's time after, do you want to try going to play some of the games? The sand might need some clean up first, but we might be able to play some of the stalls still." Konohamaru bounced in his seat.

"Konohamaru..." he trailed off, deciding on his words, "What's happening there right now means the fair isn't going to be open anymore. Bad stuff is happening."

"Oh." His son looked down and his lip pouted out.

Tadaomi went back to running through cyphers to decode the message as Konohamru fidgeted in his seat.

It wasn't the regular ANBU code. Nor the code used by the Hokage's guard. Nor did it seem to be what was used by the department heads. Maybe it was-

"So like...maybe we can go for dinner after this? If everything turns out okay." Konohamaru stated.

A flash of irritation ran through Tadaomi, but he withheld it. Konohamaru didn't understand. He didn't know how this wasn't the time ask stuff like this. Snapping at him wouldn't do any good, the boy was just trying to spend time with him.

"Okay Konohamaru. Probably not tonight. I'll be very busy, but how about I wake you up early and we head out for breakfast tomorrow?"

His son's face lit up. "Sure!"

A smile brushed at his lips. His family is what made his life worth while.

His family. Hold on.

He checked the code with the cypher his father used for their family messages. The cypher only known to three people outside the Sarutobi clan, and it worked. It worked and as he read his face drained of color.

"Dad? What's wrong?"

Tadomi found he couldn't even begin to explain.

xxxxxx